Why did I write My OCD Experience?

Hi, I’m Roland, a 33 year old (as of the time of this writing) man with an OCD diagnosis. Yes I’ll shut up and get to answering the question. Why do we do anything really? Most of the time the answer is: because we feel like it. We might try to assign some deeper meaning, justifying our actions with something less superficial than an impulse, but sometimes that’s just a manufactured frame. That dark conjecture aside, I’m so honored that you decided to pick up my book. I’m not a professional writer by any means, I just decided to write from the heart and tell my story. You might disagree on whether or not my story is worth telling at all, but one undisputed fact remains: I’ve never even told my full story before. That in itself is, in my opinion, a worthy endeavor. If you have a story (or in my case a few hundred) to tell, I think you should at least tell it once. And yes, I realize that that’s in itself debatable, but this is one of my learnings from my own story. I hope that you also get to tell yours. For now, it’s my turn. Now if we accept that as a premise, the fact that each story should be told at least once, then we can also debate whether the story itself matters. Well, I would argue I have a lot to tell the world. I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve learned so much from that “a lot” that I’ve been through. Not that I’m intending to preach to you or tell you how to live your own life in this book, far from it. I intend to tell you how I lived mine, what worked and what didn’t (for me), the mistakes and the wins, the utter embarrassments and the jubilant triumphs. If you happen to relate to any part of my story, it would be one of those triumphs for me. Which brings me to my next point: I’m writing this book for those who feel alone in their struggle. Those who feel like no one understands, like no one will or could ever understand. I’m writing this book to tell those of you who feel that way that we’re all fellow sufferers, and that we’re similar in a lot of ways. We’re all, as Kendrick Lamar once said, “United in Grief”. If you hear my story and it makes you feel even a tiny bit less alone in your struggle, if your burden becomes a tiny bit less heavy, then this book will have achieved its mission. Notice that I didn’t say I will have achieved my mission. I have no agenda here. I’m just a narrator, and excuse the fluffy metaphor, but I hope this book takes on a life of its own. The point is that this is by no means about me. I’m just a regular person, and my story could have been (and probably is) anyone’s. The story itself is the point, along with the lessons, and so it’s only fair to let the story and hence the book be its own entity. For those of you stuck in your own OCD world, with no end or even respite in sight, this book would love for you to know that there’s a way out. Just like the book is looking to dislodge the idea that your suffering cannot be felt or understood, so too will it look to disprove to you that you’re stuck in the pit of despair forever. There is such a way out, and there are people who can and will understand. I hope this entity can say the things you were never able to express, and convey them for you. I hope this story can become like the lyrics of a song that you relate to, that expresses your situation for you, that makes you feel alive when you listen to it. I hope that you tell your story to a keenly listening ear. I’m also writing this book for a very important group of people, arguably the most important to anyone, and I’m no exception: my loved ones. You know who you are, but I’ll especially mention my mother, my sister, my girlfriend, and my closest friends. I won’t mention any names out of respect for your privacy, but as I said, you know who you are. This book is for you to know that I did my best for you every step of the way. Every day, every second, every time I was presented with an opportunity, I did my absolute best to show up for you, and the times I fell short, well I hope this story helps explain why and how hard I was battling my demons. I spared no effort, I fought fiercely, I gave everything, and you deserved it all and more. Last but not least, I’m writing this book for a selfish reason: the love of writing. This can be abstracted into something broader that I feel, which is the love of self expression, but if you asked me to express myself in any way I wanted, I would probably choose writing 9 times out of 10. Music could be my second answer, but since you’re not listening to my album of 15 OCD themed songs, it’s safe to say that you might enjoy self expression through writing too. I’m enjoying every little wrinkle I add to this book. And yes, I’m writing this as I’m still in the process of writing the rest of the book, isn’t it funny how time works? A bit of a fourth wall moment for you. Anyway, for a while writing was the only way I could express myself fully, as I hid my OCD and barely ever spoke about it to anyone. The pen and paper were fantastic listeners, and never once threatened to run away or divulge my secrets to the world. As a result, I’ve written so much over the years that it became one of my passions. This is actually my second book, and I won’t mention the first one in detail (or even by name) given that my point here is not self promotion. What’s my point then? Selfishly, I hope I carried the lessons from the first book to this one, and that I’ve evolved as a writer, enough to capture your attention and make this experience worthwhile for you. I sincerely hope that you enjoy the book on a multidimensional basis, from the writing style to the relatability of the situations to the story itself. Time is an irredeemable commodity, and any time you spend consuming this book is valuable and I appreciate it.